First, a brief story...

Many years ago I taught self-defense at the K.C. Naval & Marine Corp Reserve Center (NAVRESREDCENREG18) while I was attached to the U.S.S. Missouri (BB-63). During one of my lectures, I was interrupted by a sailor who flippantly asked, "What do you do if someone comes up from behind and cracks you in the head with a beer bottle?"

I asked the sailor if he had a particular bar in mind, to which he answered "yea." I then asked him if he visited this bar frequently, and again he replied "yea." I finally asked him if he had witnessed many fights break out at this bar, to which he again replied, "yea, all the time."

I responded to his question by stating, "don't go to that bar any more!" And to this, everyone in the class started to laugh. My advice was simple, however, I believe it is often the simplest explanations that are unreasoned in our minds. Why had it not occurred to him to stop going to that bar?

Nature did not provide us with eyes in the back of our heads to see on-coming beer bottles. We do however, have a very powerful brain and the ability to reason. Or at least some of us do.

Here are a few stereotypes to illustrate the point:

First—imagine a senior citizen living in a secure nursing home, with 24-hour protective oversight; locked doors, security guards, 24-hour medical staff, etc.

Second—at the far end of the spectrum, imagine a petite, efiminate, flamboyant gay male, dressed in obvious progressive attire, intoxicated or high on drugs, exiting a gay bar, and walking down a deserted downtown street at 3:00 am.

Of these 2 scenarios, which person is at a greater risk of attack? The individuals posited are in absurd contrast to illustrate a point, 1 at very low risk, and the other at very high risk. Each of us fall somewhere between the 2 scenarios.

The various components and circumstances of our lives make up our unique personal risk factors. Such as:

Sex & Sexuality—Perpetrators of personal crimes use stereotypes to select their victims. Women, homosexuals or petite, slender men, and children are considered weak and easy targets.

Demeanor—Aggressors typically prey upon individuals that are alone, those that appear to have a submissive personality; people who walk with their shoulders slumped, eyes focused to the ground when they walk, etc. People who are intoxicated are naturally easy targets.

Attire/Clothing—Those who dress shabily and unkept do not appear to have money, jewelry or other valuables, while others who are dressed in expensive clothing, adorned with expensive jewelry, etc. will be more desirable targets for attack.

Location—Personal crimes may occur anywhere, however they more frequently occur in rougher areas of town, where patrolling police are at a minimum, and often at night. Parking lots of workplaces, colleges, shopping malls, downtown areas and/or other bar areas.

Relationships—Our interpersonal relationships are also a matter of choice; even those we are related to through blood. Our friends, our family, coworkers—everyone in our lives—are all choices made in one way or another. And those who abuse us, verbally or physically, have been empowered to do so by our own choices.

• While you may not have chosen to be accosted on the subway train, you did make the choice to ride the subway alone.

• While you may not have known in advance that your partner was abusive, you did make the choice to stay in the relationship, possibly have children with this person, and allow the abuse to continue.

• While you may not have chosen to be born gay and are stereotyped and possibly harmed because of your sexuality, you do have a choice to learn self-defense and be careful where you go at night.

Some, if not most of the factors listed above are based on choice, while others are unavoidable happenstance. And I believe most would agree that problems involving our intimate, interpersonal relationships are the most difficult to deal with. It is important to note which is which, and to at least be aware of and attempt to change the things we can. This will allow us to significantly reduce our risk factors.

Being born male or female is obviously not a choice. But the demeanor in which we present ourselves IS a choice. If we act like a victim, then we may/will be treated as a victim. And if we act assertively, then we stand a greater change of being ignored by perpetrators of personal crimes.

The places that we shop for commodities may not be a choice, but the time of day and shopping alone are both choices of free will. The college we attend [location], the time at which our classes are scheduled may not be our choice, but walking through the parking lot alone at night is a choice.

There is a speaker who works for my company named Dr. Kimberly Ventus-Darks. [CLICK LINK FOR VIDEO] Kimberly facilitates workshops titled, "Oh, yes you can." During the workshop she offers, "If you always do, what you've always done, then you will always get, what you have always got!" Followed by, "If you want something that you've never had, then you need to do something that you've never done!"

Great words to consider!